“I shall no longer ask myself if this or that is expedient, but only if it is right. I shall do this, not because I am noble or unselfish, but because life slips away, and because I need for the rest of my journey a star that will not play false to me, a compass that will not lie.
I shall do this, because I cannot find it in me to do anything else. I am lost when I balance this against that, I am lost when I ask if this is safe, I am lost when I ask if men will approve. Therefore I shall try to do what is right, and to speak what is true.”
Alan Paton, Cry the Beloved Country
Now that Dave and I are married, we spend more and more time considering the future of our lives together. We constantly ask questions like, “where will we be a year from now?,” “how can we use our gifts to help the Shan people?,” “should we be more involved fighting against social injustice?,” “if so, how?” etc. They are hard questions. Because the answers often lead us to uncomfortable places…leaving our families in the States and potentially raising our own family overseas, maybe even in a country as unstable as Burma. These are scary thoughts, even for someone who has stepped out there and lived overseas for a few years.
That’s why this quote resonates with me. I do feel lost when I compare myself to others (I think, everyone else my age owns a house…wouldn’t it be nice to buy a house and settle down in Austin?). I do feel lost when I ask if this is safe (I’m tempted to forget the idea of living in Thailand or Burma and think only of the ’safe’ American life).
I don’t know where Dave and I will be in 5 years…or even one year from now. It may be in Austin. It may be in Thailand. But it’s my prayer that we won’t get ‘lost’ comparing ourselves to others, but keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, the true ’star that will not play false.’
